Cultural Fair

We had a Cultural Fair at my Office. Everyone had an opportunity to showcase and offer trinkets, music, facts and food of their culture. I had a Pakistani booth and served Gulab Jamon and Somosas and played Ghazles. I wore my new Shalwar Kameez and passed out extra kurtis for my teammates to wear. We had a blast putting together our Flintstone-mobile Rickshaw. We cut out a Rickshaw from a refrigerator box and decorated it with beautiful colors, fathers, bells, beads, flowers and topped it off with a Pakistani Flag and “Assalamu Alaikum” written on the sides.

Ciao!

As I tire of the hard work where it seems that a weekend is hardly a blink of the eye, I ponder and recall the recent honeymoon.

You see, I brag and boast about how I am a lucky girl with four separate wedding ceremonies. But, then I would counter my “big fish” story by baiting pity for the fact that my hubby and I have never had a honeymoon. Selfish, I know, but I wanted a honeymoon, dammit!

A month ago, at the tail-end of our Switzerland trip, my Dear Husband (DH) and I snuck away via train and landed at one of the most romantic places ever: Venice, Italy. For three nights and four days, we had a new, tantalizing, romantic and fun universe to explore all by ourselves. We did not go with an agenda, nor did we have to entertain anyone else’s agenda (tour group, parents, in-laws, friends, etc.). The world was in our hands and we ate it up!

This honeymoon as we have declared it, was long-overdue, yet couldn’t have come at a better time. After three years a marriage, I have come to saying, “Now that the honeymoon is over….blah…blah….blah”. Having had a honeymoon after year three was just what the doctor ordered so to speak. If you relate to anything I am saying, I highly recommend you to seek a similar remedy.

Memories I will cherish:
Seeing an entire city lined up along the Grand Canal. Although we have all seen the photos and the movies, nothing compares to actually seeing a city so cleverly designed which replaced all streets with canals. Truly amazing.
Wandering through the back alleys and witnessing Renaissance, Gothic and Romanesque influenced architecture all within one block.
Visiting the Peggy Guggenheim Museum and then my amazing self-discovery of the modern art movement and finally understanding the artists’ intentions with futurism, surrealism, etc.
Eating.
Loving.
Watching.
Sharing the most private and romantic gondola ride with my husband as the clock struck midnight and the driver bellowed love songs in Italian.

No more complaints about never having a honeymoon.

Is he Reading??

I think my hubby must be reading my journal! Yesterday he pitched in and helped clean the bathroom, cooked breakfast AND dinner and folded the clothes in the dryer after I had fallen asleep!!!!!!!!! Wow, that's awesome!

One Fine Day on top of the Swiss Alps

To Spoil

I have been thinking about my recent post/rant about the unfairness of how women and men are treated differently in certain cultures or societies. Although, I admit to spoiling my hubby more than I ever thought that I would spoil a man, I don't want to end up spoiling my son (God Willing).

Some parents may fear that they are de-emasculating their sons by making them do “women” chores. I think that it is a disservice, especially in this Western society, to not encourage both boys and girls to have an equal share in the upkeep of their family home. Children will likely go off to college and/or live outside of their parent’s home prior to being married, and they need to know how to care for themselves and their living spaces. These boy children will marry women who are most likely their equal in terms of educational levels attained and achievement o professional dreams. It is our responsibility as parents to prepare our boys to support their professional women, that is if that is who they choose to marry, on all levels including doing their equal share of the upkeep of the household.

When a working man fully supports the working wife, then he contributes to the overall happiness of the marriage by making the woman feel valued and respected. He alleviates stress levels and freeing up time which in turns allows for more love, care and passion.

My hubby is usually pretty good (I'm being pretty liberal with this compliment) at doing his share of responsibilities, but he loses all common sense when his mum is around.

What do the parents think? Do you find yourself treating your boy children differently? Is it a conscious effort; if so, why?

Counter (Former Catholic Girl Guilt)

DH, MIL and I went to…drum roll…the ball game! Hubby got tickets from his boss. My dear MIL was gracious enough to agree, but we both knew she was hesitant. So being a good sport, we put on our bum clothes, hopped the train and head downtown for the game.

Our seats were close to the field, thus we were truly able to enjoy the sport. MIL began smiling ear-to-ear and we truly enjoyed our family night out at the ball park.

In case I haven’t sounded like it, lately, I am grateful to have such a wonderful family.

Boys will be Boys

I think I was a little perturbed when I last wrote. It was not to suggest that my MIL is on my case about having a baby. She knows better than to rock the boat with my hubby, her dear son. He has clearly stated to her and the SILs that it is our business. So MIL has joked a few times about it, but she is careful to say it in front of N.

It really is my SILs who cannot end a phone conversation without commenting or questioning the baby factor. We are not anywhere near ready to begin trying. Heck, if anything, my MILs presence will kill any shot of pregnancy possibilities. Her room is right next to ours….. Boy oh boy.

Speaking of preferential status. Since I have dropped the honeymoon eyes and donned the wifely eyes, I have come to notice just how spoiled my hubby is by his Mum and how much he eats up her attention. Big surprise, huh? I just find the preferential status toward boys a bit disturbing-don’t you?

I mean, even though my MIL is kid-hearted and supportive and cooks almost every night, she still has biases on expectations. Both hubby and I work 50+ hours per week. I just so happen to make ½ of hubby’s salary (social service field). But, I am still expected to do dishes, laundry, trash, etc., etc. Of course I do this without pitching a fit while biting my tongue as to show respect and appreciation for my dear MIL, but it eats me up inside that my work and my value will never equal his and I will always be reduced to a homemaker in one way or another.

My mother is not this way. She raised my brother and myself equally. We were each expected to work and we each did our chores, split down the middle. Some weeks I did trash and lawn and he was folding our underwear.

Arghhhh. It is so frustrating. I am just so grateful to be working and very busy at that. I could not survive being home and being coached as a homemaker for 10+ hours a day.

Vent, vent, vent… She never, ever asks him to do a thing, but I get asked all the time. And of course she wants to talk when we come home. So hubby is allowed his time alone to relax and unwind and I am expected to come in the door with full smiles. Arghhhh. Breathe in, breathe out.

Boys will be boys and Mothers will let them.

MIL Round III, Chapter 1

Oh I don’t want to complain, but I feel my blood pressure rising. I just might explode if I don’t release the pressure valve. Oh yeah, that’s why I have a blog…

Let me preface by saying that I love my MIL dearly. My MIL and FIL have provided me so much love, consideration, benefit-of-the-doubt and many, many gifts. But, at the end-of-the-day, I must declare the honeymoon over and bemoan the in-law blues.

I am still in shock over the length of time my MIL will be staying. I mean, oops, no one informed me nor my hubby and surprise, you have an in-house visitor for 4.5 months! Yep, you heard me right-1/3 of my year. I am very hurt for a lot of reasons. I am upset about the presumptuous notion that we had nothing else scheduled for our first summer here in this new state. Or better, yet, the presumption that all our activities would/should be scheduled with MIL in tow and revolve around my hubby’s family and friends.

Already, I am struggling with the fact that I have moved far from my family and friends and that I know no one here. Now, I have “lost” my hubby to his mama and all my future social activities involve his friends and family.

What about our plans to take weekend drives and find new camping sites? What about the long line of “our” friends and my family that wanted to visit this summer. I mean ¼ of a year especially given the fact that we live in an arctic region is a big commitment. I feel that her visits always drive a wedge between me and my/our friends and family because they are not part of the “exclusive” tight knit-hand-stamped Pakistani circle. I fear alienation and loneliness. I fear that I continue to lose my identity little by little.

Maybe our long-awaited honeymoon in Venice from two weeks ago was really the end of the "me and hubby" era. I mean let’s tell the truth, she was sent for such a long period of time for many, many reasons, which I’m sure we’ll discuss over the months. But, the number one agenda item is to set me up for pregnancy. I’m sad, excited, curious, scared.

My life is truly all about family at this point. Once you have children, you truly cross over from “friends in love who happen to be married” to parents and providers of the grandchildren, nephews and nieces, etc. Removed from my family and friends and being in a strange place, these thoughts are intimidating and doubtful.

Sigh.

Back from Holiday

So I wondered if I should just scrap the whole Blog thing. But, I cannot forget all my acquaninces and the joy I get from your updates and your comments of my updates.

Where do I begin? I am exhausted and “sneaking” in a few minutes of “me” time. I patiently waited out as hubby and MIL prattled on until they tired themselves and finally went upstairs to bed. “Oh no, I must get caught up on this work”, I insisted. In reality, I needed a minute to myself and an opportunity to try and save what’s left of the Baji Dance.

Where has Baji been? She’s been off a dancing in Europe. This was my first trip to Europe; hubby and I spent two weeks in Switzerland and drumroll….Venice!

Switzerland is picturesque, international, historic, unique and very well organized. Honestly, I really didn’t know what to expect. Hubby and I were invited to go and meet his parents and have a holiday in what was part family vacation and part business-venture. Seeing as my DH’s father always has an agenda, we didn’t bother planning anything, for fear that our hopes would be crushed and raging war would break out between DH and father.

We were pleasantly surprised by how much we enjoyed Switzerland. We spent the first few days in Lausanne. We drove through rolling hills, vineyards and quaint towns. We saw beautiful Lake Geneva and ate awesome fondue at Gruiyere. We ate the most amazing 11 course meal in some fancy-shmancy restaurant which was an experience in itself for this hick-girl gone-cultured LOL. We also crawled around a castle which was begun in the 12-13th century.

Following this, we went to the Suisse German side to a town called Interlocken. Here we stayed in a beautiful hotel which had a magnificent view of the Swiss Alps. We spent one day trekking up the Alps (via cable car that is!). Once we reached the top, we had the most majestic view. It felt like we were in the middle of diamond dust universe as the sunlight beat down onto the snow-covered mountains. This was truly a breath-taking experience. Interlocken was a little less obligatory on the social/business front and more like a true “holiday”. My FIL insisted that my MIL have her first full-body massage, which she was not at all thrilled about. So, I was charged with taking the lead and ensuring that my MIL follow through with his orders, which meant that I, too, had to have a full-body massage-DARN! LOL. That, too was an amazing release of energy and celebration of self and a magical journey to self’s past. Wow. I’m blabbering….

Not to be the least bit ungrateful, but hubby and I wanted a few days to ourselves. So we made last minute plans to take a train to Venice. More on that and the tales of MIL Visit Round III.