Month Four!
I had my fourth-month appointment on Monday. Never in my life have I been so excited about visiting a clinic. It’s as if I can’t wait to pull my pants down and have another opportunity to hear that heart beat. All looks good so far including heartbeat, blood pressure and weight gain. Speaking of weight gain, could someone please tell me where my waist line has gone? I’ve seem to have lost it and fear that I may never find it again. Oh let the list of sacrifices begins: number one: loss of friend marriage and gain of parent marriage. Number two: loss of sleep. Number three: loss of non-Mommy identity. Number four: SOME loss of bind with non-parent friends. Number five: loss of waist line.
So I finally move my lazy arse into gear and, gasp, change my insurance information from my maiden name to my married name, which of course is Muslim. So, this name change prompts a need to update my electronic medical record. My male midwife, yes male! proceeds to ask some questions:
MMW: “So what is your race?”
Me: Ummmm, a little stumped because I have never been asked this before, but happy that he would ask rather than make the assumption. I say with certainty, “Caucasian”.
MMW: “Are you sure?”
Me: Thinking what, why would he question my answer? I say, “Yes”.
MMW: “Well where were you born?”
Me: Incredulous, he still doesn’t believe me. Can’t you see my DH sitting right here? We’re married and I’m gori! “Right here in the Midwest, Sir.”
Then the next thing occurred, two men had a conversation about the logic of the quad screening test and then I change my mind. You see, DH and I had decided against the quad screen test because of its unreliability and then the possibility of stressing myself and choti out because of the results. We knew that we weren’t going to terminate because of the results, so why worry, right? Wrong. Abovementioned MMW gave us the run down and unintentionally swung my decision the other way. You see, because DH’s niece was born with Spina Bifada, we are the prime candidates for the screening. And the earlier we can detect (Quad screen) a probability of a SB defect, the better our chances of helping a baby get the care he/she will need at birth. So there, I changed my mind, gave blood and now I sit and wit for the results.
Any others with experiences as I sit here and bite my nails?
posted by Baji @ Wednesday, March 07, 2007
14 comments
14 Comments:
What the heck?? ARE YOU SURE!?? lol. That is so strange.
I had a friend do it, she was pressure into it for the same reason as you, family issues. She was told high chance of problems with her baby and they decided to have the baby anywayhs and it was 100% normal. I dont know.... thats a tough call.
You say Choti, do you know if it a girl?!!?!
I didn't have one with my first. I did with the second and had a false positive. I was so nervous while waiting for the ultrasound to check things out. Turns out is was probably a warning sign of the pre-eclampsia everyone was positive that I wouldn't get again. They were wrong!! I did go ahead and do it with the third but it all came back negative. If I were to have more children I think I would just skip it.
I am so glad you wrote. I was wondering how things were going. I read your list of sacrifices and most of those are really only temporary. You listed loss of friend marriage but I found that is not the case, it is at first but then when you both get used to the big change you are back to your old selves again. Chris and I are happier because of it. I can't argue with loss of sleep. I am still going through that one. Loss of non-Mommy identity, that one is also temporary. I really struggled with that. It took me some time to find balance between being mom, wife, employee and me. It took setting time aside for myself, which is really hard to do in the beginning. I was trying to do too much and not enjoying the ride. Yep, loss of waistline happens too. Also kind of temporary. Most women bounce back rather quickly. I do have to warn you that the day you have the baby don't expect your tummy to go back to the way it was. I was horrified when I noticed I had a huge flap of hanging skin. It seemed like a big deflated punching balloon. Don't worry; it goes back to normal in a week or two.
It sounds like you made the right choice for the quad screen. We did not have any birth defects in our families so we did not think it was necessary. Since there is a slim chance and it would help your baby if there is a problem then go for it. I am sure all will be fine.
Aisha, darn husband! I asked hime if I could refer to the non-gendered baby as "choti" and he said, yes. Advice???
Surviving- it's so scary isn't it? The ultrasound was reassuring, though?
Kim-Hi. Thanks for your wonderful and kind words. I do hope that this does strengthen our marriage over time. I hear the first year is the hardest. Thank you again for your words.
That test! I didn't want to get the test either.. because I felt the same way I would not terminate the pregnancy and what if we got some false info and worried for the next 5 months of nothing. So I really went back and forth and in the end decided to do it. I can totally relate with you, sitting and waiting was too much! Don't worry too much I'm sure everything will be fine.
Yes Jaycie....waiting!
Choti is okay, it means little girl. Chota means little boy. I would say "Chotoo" if I wanted to be totally gender neutral since it just means "little one".... but Choti is fine!! I weas just curious if it was a girl b/c of the nickname :)
wow exciting stuff going on baji. don't sweat the tests...inshallah all good.
i am currently dieting for post preg weight loss. it is slow and requires exercize, not just the usual low carbs for a couple of weeks to drop a few. i hate diets.
so I guess next month's visit you'll have the organ scan??? do u wanna know the sex of your chotu?
many many congrats
The first year was the hardest. Right after I had the baby my hormones ran crazy. I was so moody, tired and I felt like a crazy woman half the time. I would calm down and realize the things that were setting me off were irrational. Include with the hormone swing the fact that guys just feel like they can’t do as good of a job taking care of baby as the mommy can. Then mommy is doing it all on her own. So now, mommy is hormonal, tired from not sleeping and doing all the normal chores around the house and tending to a brand new baby, which leaves no time for mommy. This cycle wore on me. I took on all the responsibility and left no time for myself. I felt like I was loosing myself. It was after several months that I was able to look at the big picture. Each week I made myself go to the store or some place by myself for maybe an hour. The first few times I did this I felt so very guilty that I had a baby at home and could be spending time with him but was out. But the more I thought about it I realized that I really needed that time to myself. I needed to find a balance between my different selves. For a while I was all mommy and lost myself. To go out was also good for Chris and Jack too. It forced Chris and Jack to be together more and for Chris to be more hands on. They got comfortable with each other and Chris started to realize the work that was involved and he was more helpful. He also developed the confidence that he could take care of a baby himself. Once you both realize your responsibilities and work as team things will be great again.
hey baji dont worry about the waistline. if you breastfeed you'll probably regain it inshaallah (at least my experience was - within a month).
listen, about the screening - totally your decision.It'll probably be fine inshallah.
and the sex of the baby is....???
It’s as if I can’t wait to pull my pants down and have another opportunity to hear that heart beat.
Lol, love it :)
Bless you my dear - praying for positive results,
B
Hoping to be an auntie to a gurl, but MOST OF ALL hoping for a HEALTHY baby.
Trying to plan on trip around yer shower -- would be lovely to see you, even tho a bit surreal. All of my oldest, closest friends having babies...and I, on the verge of possibly adding pink to my hair again. Will I NEVER grow up!?!? *sending smiles, warm hugs, and loving thoughts & vibes...*
allo?
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