Me in 20

I am? A strong, passionate woman.
I want? To have the courage to move to the next phase of my life.
I wish? To feel more comfortable about the politics of Islam.
I hate? Materialism.
I miss? Staying up all hours of the night sharing desires and philosophical thoughts with my best friend/husband.
I fear? Becoming a mother.
I hear I am not? Relaxed.
I hear I am? A “doer”
I dance? Rarely.
I sing? Very poorly.
I cry? Often as a way to cleanse and replenish my soul.
I am not always? Easy going.
I make with my hands? Social Service Programs
I write? To document and communicate.
I confuse? Blogging with having a life. (stole this one right under koonj’s feet!)
I need? To accept this phase of my life
I should? Force my husband to communicate more he slips away.
Istart? A To Do list
I finish? Almost everything on the list.

Appreciation

My Dh and MIL had a very long and heated discussion on Saturday night. The discussion started at the dinner table (Paki time being 9:00 dinner of course) and lasted until 5am! I don't think that my family has spoken to each other for that length of time for a combined a period of two years. LOL.

There were a lot of tears and various emotions throughout the tirade. A lot of personal family history was shared and descriptive examples were given, etc. What I am surprised by, and what I appreciate, is that the entire conversation remained in English. I know that it must be difficult (especially for my MIL) to continue such lengthy and emotional proclamations in one's second language.

I am so appreciative, because, even though I remained silent througout the whole event, I know that deliberate effort was made to include me, which meant so much!

Begum Magic Tricks

The magic card to pull out of the hat…
“Well N says that he likes it” or “N doesn’t want it done that way.”

For example, "No Ammi, N doesn't like to have his shirt ironed THAT way." Or, "No, Ammi, N says that we SHOULD throw away those leftovers".

Whenever I am fed up and my tongue is bleeding from my biting it (which is a lot these days), then I pronounce these magical words, which give me the ultimate power!

Sad, but true. I hate that it is true. I hate that I contribute to the whole sexist society thing by doing it, but God save my sanity or I’ll unleash the fury on the dear MIL.

Please Go!

Please GO and take you mother with you!! I just need a moment of silence with myself. I cannot take another command. “No put the dish over there.” “No, rinse the dish before you put it into the dishwaher.” Me, “I **sigh** did, Ammi”. “Well then rinse it again”, she says. “Now run the dishwasher, you didn’t do it last night.” “Okay.”, I mutter even though inside I am screaming, “why don’t YOU run the dishwasher? Why does the dishwasher HAVE to be run at night? STOP telling me what to do like I’m a child or worse yet, a servant!”

I continue to play dumb daughter-in-law who doesn’t know the fist thing about anything because it is the only way to save my sanity. I can’t stand to be managed in my own home. I can’t stand someone breathing down my neck and telling me that I cook stew, meatloaf or spaghetti wrong; advise on biryani or pulao I can take, but American classics I cannot.

The whole respect your elder thing, and of course the language barriers complicates things even more. Help! Don’t get me wrong, I am more than respectful, too much so, I think, but I still makes me want to run for the hills. The alternative….work long hours and sleep as often and late as possible.

Two months down and three to go.