The Beginning II

For the next seven months or so, N and I were dating and his parents were unaware. N lived with his cousin at the time. His family started to get suspicious as he was spending more and more time with me and they were having a hard time reaching him. I found out recently that his cousin caught a lot of flack for covering for us. Apparently one of my dh’s sisters blamed his cousin for allowing N to be with a gori. Because his cousin was much older, he was considered an older brother and was expected to shield him from evil such as my kind.

N’s parents came to visit and I was not a topic of conversation. My Mom did not understand this and started to become quite scared. She told me I should end everything before I got in too deep and became hurt. She told me that it would never work. For the first time in my life, I disrespected my mother and screamed, “This is the man I am going to marry.” I left the house and we did not speak for a few days. She called later and from that point on she understood I meant business.

N’s mom came by herself to visit. My DH decided that it would be best for me to meet her first. He knew that the only saving grace was for his mother to give some mark of approval in order to get his dad or sisters on board. Which by the way, he is the youngest with three elder sisters.

I was so nervous to meet his mother. We went shopping for the perfect outfit. We discussed the plan for the meeting, etiquette, what not to discuss, etc. I could not sleep for days. And, of course I really was unable to communicate with him while his mom was visiting.

So we decided I would come for dinner. I offered to bring desert. One thing you must know about me, is that I did not cook until recently. So I decided on the easy American way, which was to pick something up at the bakery.

I entered the apartment and N’s cousin was gone. I quietly sat on the couch for what seemed an eternity. N was in the back room with his mother (mind you, I still had not seen her). I had no idea of the gravity of the situation!

Finally my future MIL entered the room as graceful as a queen. Rule number one broken: I just sat there saying “hello”. She just stood there dumbfounded. I was so stupid and disrespectful for not standing! I was so confused and stupid.

We had a great meal. My MIL has wonderful table manners and kept the conversation going. Rule number two broken: do not attempt to impress by leaving the fork aside to use roti to break the kofta while nervous, because it will land on your lovely skirt (btw, the skirt was N’s idea, not mine - long skirt that is).

After dinner I presented my oh-so-impressive dessert-strawberries and cool whip on stale angel cake. How embarrassing that I could not even cut the strawberries properly.

Rule number three broken: The first time you drop an Urdu phrase into conversation, it should not be your knowledge of the origins of the word pajama (pai jama). This leads to an embarrassingly long silence as your future MIL ponders as to how the conversation of pajamas came up between her son and this freakish, sloppy, unsophisticated gori that is being presented to her.

I was so embarrassed that I promptly exited at the first chance I could. I left so abruptly with another rude gesture of a goodbye that you would give to the mailman that you see each day.

That night I pondered my gaffs and beat myself up repeatedly. I drove to the 24 hour drugstore and bought the most beautiful thank you card I could find. I had a magnificent letter drafted in my head. What I penned was more along the lines of “I’m so sorry to have been so rude and rushed off…. I assure you that I was nervous as hell because I do love your son who is the most awesome man on the planet, which I am sure you are aware of or you would never have agreed to meet me….blah.blah.

She read the card and I was invited t come back over for tea the next evening. You better believe that I jumped out of my seat when my future MIL entered the room that time. She told the most fascinating stories and I listened in awe for hours.

N’s cousin was shocked as hell when he returned from his weekend away (aka, I better get the hell outta here) to find me there having tea.

More of this later…