Should I Stay or Should I Go?
The dilemma… My in-laws have graciously invited me to come stay in Pakistan (Karachi). At first, I dismissed the invites as part of the Pakistani politeness. But, then my FIL personally e-mailed me and invited me saying I should take a break from working so hard and come.
I am very happy, because I know they are genuine. I am very excited by the prospect of having time to get to know my SILs and my nephews and nieces. My SIL has a new baby a few months old, which is good practice for me. They keep saying this, because they really want us to start our family. I could spend time with cousins and learn some Urdu, cooking, prayers, etc. I have only been there one other time (last year) and it was quite hectic with our wedding ceremony/dinners, etc. I think this would be a great opportunity to show my gratitude for all that my in-laws have done.
A part of me is scared. I would be traveling alone and would be going without my husband. I am not sure how I will get along with the day-to-day of staying somewhere so far from home. But, then I am so inspired by people like Tara and Dawn that have done this. And, besides, my MIL will be staying with us for the whole summer, so between this and my hubby’s crazy work schedule, we really cherish our time alone.
But, that is stupid. It would only be for a month or so. Seems like I am passing up a very good opportunity for some very stupid fears.
I need some support yays or nays appreciated.
posted by Baji @ Wednesday, January 11, 2006
10 comments
10 Comments:
just a month? I dont know. Your fears are valid. I mean you dont speak the language surrounded by many that do. I'd be scared to not have my husband to have my back in this situation BUT your MIL Has proven herself to be a charming and wonderful woman so Insh'allah it wouldnt be too bad... if it wasn't for your kind MIL i'd be nervous for you to go... but i am sure shell be there for you. It's such a sweet offer.
Without second thought, you should go..BIG YESSSSS !!!
I'm with Aisha on this one.. I wouldn't want to go w/o my husband. Then.. I haven't been to Pakistan yet.. so not too sure what to expect. Then.. it might be more fun w/o dh there ya know. Hmm.. I'm not much help.
Let me just say that the first real trip there is very emotional . Otherwise I'd say JUMP on it! It takes so much adjusting and there wouldn't really be anyone there to explain why things were done or said in a certain way. Things are very different there and you will have different responsibilites that you might not be aware of then would offend someone without knowing. And meeting all his family....without him and sitting in the women's section where no one talks to you...whew! It's a lot to consider. I'd say go there again with your hubby atleast once and get a feel for how life is like there and what you would expect and what your responsobilities are there in that family. Then afterwards, stay a month after your hubby leaves and you've a hang of it or something like that. I don't know. It's just very hard being somewhere different. You know though, if it were something like 10 days or so, you'd be more like a guest than a daughter in law. I am no help. Sorry. :)
Yes Sobia's advice sounds perfect regarding to go with hubby and if youw ant to stay go after or stay behind after he leaves. She's right... though your MIL is very special... a husband's support is different than any one else's could be in his family. Any country where I dont speak the language and will be judged and spoken of in a language I dont understand... I'd need a very strong defender there. If you think your MIL can do the trick take the risk if your gut tells you it'll beo kay.
I have really been wanting to go to pakistan myself and would be willing to go alone so i say go! But you are right about your reservations too. Will you get the chance to go again soon?
I would say go for it. Like wayfarer, I would be willing to go alone and stay with my hubby's familY BUT maybe after few trips with my hubby :) I was so dependant on my hubby when I was there the first time and the next time I go there, most probably next month, I have to treat my hubby as an 'outsider' :). Hope you share with us your experiences if you decided to do so.
Honestly, I agree with Sobia and Aisha. I'd go with your husband the first time. But then I'm a bit paranoid. Plus I have no MIL or SILs. (Yippee--oops, sorry). On the other hand, you know and like your MIL. That should be good. Perhaps your husband's absence would HELP you build a stronger bond with them. You know what, just pray istikhara so you get peace of mind with whatever decision you make. But don't feel like you're being silly 'cause you AINT.
Thank you! I think the positives outweigh the negatives. I think I may be afforded a great opportunity I should not pass up.
Hi, I just found your blog off of wayfarer's. I am a ghori wife too in exactly the same situation. I am attending a wedding in Madras for a friend this summer and my in-laws found out and now are really wanting me to come to Karachi to visit them too. i want to go but, i have misgivings about going there for the first time without dh. I always thought that we would go together for the first time. If you want to talk about it and whether you go, i would be interested to know. I am going in July. You can message me on my blog too.
Post a Comment
<< Home